written by Yaslani
Everyone likes attention. I’m a sucker for hearing how fabulous I am and if the worshiper just happens to be an attractive man, even better! But where is the line between innocent infatuation and cuckoo-clock crazy?
Unfortunately I have a little too much experience in this arena. If there is a man within a 50 mile radius with stalker tendencies, my phone number is probably in his speed dial. So I’m going to share what I’ve learned about myself and the relationships that haven’t ended so well.
Hindsight is always 20/20. After the fact even Stevie Wonder can see that man was going to be a problem. But how does that help you today when you find yourself parking six blocks away from your house and changing your phone number every other week? Wouldn’t it be easier if you knew the signs from the beginning and you could stop the potential stalker in his tracks? Of course!
Take a look at these 5 men and see if any of them look familiar:
The Hopeless Romantic
This guy is the one we all fall for. Since Romeo lured Juliet into a suicide pact, stalking has been mistaken for romance. The Hopeless Romantic lays it on thick. He sweeps you off your feet, lavishes you with attention and gifts. He calls constantly just to tell you he’s thinking about you. He wants to marry you and father your three perfect little babies. So what’s the problem? You’ve only been on two dates. Sure this may seem like a fairy tale come true but step back from the two dozen roses that just arrived at your office and think logically. People who fall in love easily usually fall out just as easy or worse yet; never want to let it go. This is the guy who doesn’t want to hear it’s over and will probably continue his wooing campaign long after your interest in him has expired. I blame Hollywood. The guy who won’t give up always gets the girl in the movies. Remember the scene in Say Anything when John Cusack holds up the radio in the rain under his paramour’s window? What woman didn’t shed a romantic tear and secretly wish that would happen to her? I know I did until an ex showed up at my house at midnight screaming how I’m a bitch for not taking him back. Not quite the Hollywood ending you see in the movies. In fact I’m guessing John Cusack’s character ended up with a restraining order. Romance is great but it should build over time and should never make you feel uncomfortable.
The Control Freak
The Control Freak has an idea of who you are or should be and refuses to accept anything less. He’s the guy who tells you how gorgeous you are in that slinky black dress but if you’d just lose that pot belly you’d be even better. Ouch! Women who find themselves with this guy (myself included) really believe on some level that the man is just being honest and there is nothing wrong with trying to improve yourself. The problem is you will never be good enough for this loser because concentrating on your flaws allow him (and you) to ignore his flaws. You’re a thing to him, not a person and people don’t let go of their possessions that easily. Don’t walk away, run. The first time a man suggests you’d be perfect if…ask for the check and leave that jackass in the dust.

The Curiously Obsessed
He wants to know all about you. He’s just interested. What’s your sign, your favorite food, and your natural hair color? Where did you grow up, what is your best friend’s maiden name, what color is your toothbrush? Of all the stalker types this is the one I find the most creepy and disturbing. At first a relationship with the curiously obsessed may not really be a relationship at all, at least not to you. In your mind you’re just getting to know a good friend and he’s getting to know you. But then it get’s weird. He just happens to show up everywhere you go. Then he makes up a fake persona online just so he can cyber-stalk you. The Curiously Obsessed acts normal when he sees you but in reality he’s compiling a detailed dissertation of any intimate feature this perv can uncover. Cut this guy off at the knees. Don’t even casually speak to him. No good can come from this at all.
The Mood Swinger
All relationships have their ups and downs but the mood swinger makes you personally responsible for how he feels at any given moment. If he’s happy, you are the best woman ever and he could never be happy or even live without you. If he’s not happy, watch out. You made him lose his job, you made him kick the dog, you made him take out a post office. If only you were caring enough and gave him a fair chance everything would be ok. He doesn’t want you to leave him because his whole world will fall apart. Obviously this man has emotional problems only a licensed psychiatrist can handle. Don’t attempt to fix him because you can’t.
The “What About Me” Man
This relationship may start out as pity. The “What About Me” man has no friends, no relationship with his family and no one cares about him…except you. He wants to go everywhere you go. Anything you want is fine with him. He wants to do everything you want to do and for a while this may actually appear to be a perfect union. However, maybe there is a good reason why this man has no friends. Maybe his clinginess gets annoying after a while and trust me, it will. He wraps his whole life up in you and if you leave him the abandonment may be too much for this sap to bear. What About Me man won’t go away quietly and a weepy, crying man is not a pretty sight.
Check Yourself.
Sadly, I have had experience with all of these men. What I recognize now is my emotional unhealthiness welcomed them all in with open arms. I’ve been single for a while working on myself and so I don’t fall victim to the Hopeless Romantic’s honey coated words or the impossible standards of the Control Freak. The one thing all the stalker types have in common is their lack of concern for how you feel or what you want. It’s never about you even though you will undoubtedly take it very personal. These men have problems that existed way before you met them and will probably be there until they realize they need help. You can’t change them but you can change yourself. The next time you encounter a potential stalker, your self-esteem won’t allow you to fall for it.
Though she may have dated her fair share of nut jobs, she creates fabulous art. Check out Yaslani's Groovespot.